I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
