This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
