So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
