Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize