Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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