Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
