I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
