from now on my penis is your penis
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
