so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
kristin has been a bad kristin
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
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