He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
