Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
