Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
