he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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