It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
