im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you had me at cake vodka
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
