i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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