Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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