I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
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He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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