You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It was a blind-side dick pic.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
