pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
