i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
