one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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