I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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