i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
