I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
BRING THE BAGELS
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
