your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
