I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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