Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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