Pants 0. Shit 1.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
