1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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