Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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