I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
