I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
