K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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