Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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