I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
