I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
