ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
