she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
