On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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