she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
