Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
