I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
