all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
