the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the day after is always just damage control
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
