you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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