So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
