I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
