Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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