Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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