Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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