how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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