ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
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Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
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I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.