I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
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If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
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First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014