Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
