Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
