When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
