her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just found puke in my bra..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
