I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
