Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
