um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
